Singledom Archives - Miss Everchanging

I’m Kathi…And I’m Coming Clean.

Hello. I’m Kathi, in case you’ve forgotten.

And I’m coming clean.

I’ve hesitated to share because I’m changing my life and figuring out my new standard has been challenging.

I haven’t posted out of respect for the situation. But out of respect for my readers and my need to be authentic, I know it’s time to share. I’ve had messages with questions that I’d never dare ask anyone. But I understand. I’ve always put my experiences out there, so I expect to be judged.

I won’t lie. Some of the messages have been hurtful. I’m learning to develop a thick skin, and that’s not bad for someone born a people-pleaser. I’m willing to grow and I’m more than willing to share my experiences in hopes that they resonate with others in similar situations.

Eric moved out on December first.

I know it seems like a shock. We looked like the perfect couple. I did my best to post positive and fun things, but the reality was harsh. I kept things positive because I wanted to believe things were good. I think we both tried for so long.

When he left, I cried. I sat on the bathroom floor and cried harder than I think I ever have in my entire life. It was the death of all of my hopes and dreams. It was complete fear of starting over AGAIN. It was fear of not being able to make it financially. It was fear of facing another deep depression that I’d have to drag myself from the depths of darkness. It was the fear of my eating disorder relapsing and my losing control. It was fear of being alone….forever. Who would ever want to date someone soon-to-be 53 years old? It was the fear of not being able to retire ever. It was the fear of never being able to buy a piece of clothing without figuring out how to add it into my already tight budget. It was the fear of never being able to go on another trip.

Most of all, I feared making a mistake I couldn’t fix.

I’ve questioned so many things in the last three months. Why was I even doing this? Surely, it would be easier for both of us to stay in our current situation.

Except that I wasn’t happy.

Is happiness even a right? I have repeatedly questioned that.

Who am I to deserve happiness?

And then I read this. If you know me, you know I love Mel Robbins.

THIS.

It spoke volumes to me.

And suddenly, I understood the assignment.

Please let me preface this by saying that Eric is the most intelligent, sophisticated, and handsome man I’ve ever dated. He is amazingly charming.

I should also add that since he’s left, I finally feel like myself again. I’m no longer angry. When you carry anger, it carries over to every part of your life. I was angry ALL of the time.

I’ve had to do a lot of soul-searching to find the source of my anger.

I realized that I’d been blaming him.

But the problem was ME.

Hello, the problem was me.

That’s so hard to say.

Eric came along immediately after my second husband left. You know the story…..he was a blind date. I hadn’t expected to find someone so soon. Subconsciously, I was looking for someone to fix all of my problems. He did fix many problems, especially the legal issues that constantly popped up during that time. Immediately, he became my knight in shining armor. I had high expectations for him. Still in the throes of an eating disorder and still mourning the loss of my last marriage, I expected him to heal me in all ways. I expected him to be a partner that would rescue me from financial burdens. I thought that he would support charities and that we would continue to attend the magnificent galas that we once did when we started dating. I thought that dating an attorney would validate me socially. I thought that he would make me feel more important and successful. I thought we would travel the world together and plan to grow old together. I thought that we’d become an unstoppable thing.

But then I realized I was asking more from him than he could give.

I realized I had to reconnect with myself to figure out what makes me happy.

I have realized that it is now my time.

I’m developing a vital relationship…..with myself.

I’m learning to love myself.

I could even say that I’m dating ME.

I’ve healed my eating disorder that no one else could.

I’ve become active in the community, which is so important to me.

I’m growing a reputation as an artist.

I’ve become successful in my profession.

I’m becoming a pro at budgeting.

I am paying off debt despite having my lowest income ever.

I’ve set goals for personal growth.

I laugh.

I dance to “girl power radio” in my bathroom in the mornings.

I cook while listening to jazz.

I read my devotional every morning.

I go to the coffee shop alone.

I continue our traditions alone.

I am growing friendships.

I treasure time with my family.

I am setting boundaries in all areas.

I am building new dreams for my future.

I work to make everyday extraordinary because life is short.

I’ve finally realized that no one is coming to rescue me.

I can make my future anything I design it to be.

I can meet my own needs.

I’ve realized that I am responsible for the rest of my life…yes, me alone.

I will make the rest of my life the BEST of my life.

Categories: Reviews, The Single Life

Eyebrow Tattooing- A Game-Changer

On the Tuesday morning during my spring break from school, I did a thing.

I had my eyebrows tattooed.

Actually, the proper name for this tattooing process is permanent makeup. That does sound better, doesn’t it?

I’m no stranger to permanent makeup. My first experience was in 2009 and I’ve been hooked since.

So let me tell you a little about this game-changer.

My experience…

I’ve been seeing Lynn Soles, the owner of Permanent Beauty, since 2013. She is a certified cosmetic professional, trained to the SPCP’s highest standards of ethical permanent makeup practices. She is an artist. She is warm, professional, and I’d trust her with any procedure. That’s saying much since I firmly believe that I should probably never trust anyone.

Her Clayton location is convenient to Goldsboro and is easy to find. It is a very calm, relaxing environment.

Day 1

Lynn greeted me with a warm hug as I arrived. We spent a few minutes chatting and catching up. We discussed the results I wanted to achieve. As I’ve gotten older, one of my eyelids has drooped, causing my previous eyebrow tattoos to be uneven. Seriously, I have the most unsymmetrical face ever! She mapped out the new brows so as to correct the problem. I was able to approve the brow shape and color before the tattooing process began.

Just as I remembered from previous visits, she covered me with a blanket and gave me a stuffed animal to squeeze for comfort. This created a spa-like experience (for me, not the animal.)

After using ice cubes to numb my eyebrows- I swear, this was the worst part!– she did the outline of my brows. This felt like pinpricks. I’d compare it to Botox shots. It was definitely bearable. Afterward, she applied numbing cream while I relaxed for a few minutes.

Next, she finished the hair strokes on my brows. After the numbing cream, I felt no pain- only a pressure that felt as if she were drawing on me with a pen.

The entire process took less than an hour.

When she first showed me a close up of my brows, I was amazed! I’ve not had the hair stroke process before and couldn’t believe how natural it looked.

Since I only needed a boost, it was $150 of the best money ever spent. I try to go yearly, but I’ve found I can’t go more than two years without a boost.

Here are the before and after pictures she took. I have no clue why I didn’t smile. It was a happy experience!

Afterward, I put on giant sunglasses and treated myself to Bojangles fries. Yum! Once home, I applied concealer around the perimeter of my brows to hide the redness, and I ran my errands as usual.

I was instructed to apply the tinted Vaseline mixture every hour for 4 hours on the first day, and morning and night for the next ten days.

Happiness is not having to fight the brow battle in the mornings! I even slapped on a visor to keep my brows from burning in the sun later that afternoon and did yard work. I love this low-maintenance me!

Day 3

This is the day when I first noticed a difference. My brows were itchy and they began flaking, causing a splotchy look. I was able to disguise this with brow powder. Pictured is me with no makeup and my permanent eyeliner that is 6 years old….

Day 10

It did take exactly 10 days for the peeling to stop. The final result was lighter, but perfect for a natural no-makeup look. Perfect for pool days, right?

I still prefer to use my favorite brow powder to give my brows a more polished look. This is my favorite! It’s made by IT Cosmetics. The color is Universal Transforming Taupe and it is waterproof. LOVE it! It only takes 2 seconds to swipe onto your brows.

Let’s answer a few questions ….

What is permanent makeup?

Permanent makeup is basically a tattoo in which ink is deposited into the skin. It won’t wash off. It will fade over time and has to be retouched. A certified cosmetic professional, in my case, Lynn, works with you to achieve the personal look you desire.

Does it hurt?

If you are already familiar with Botox and fillers, it hurts slightly more than Botox injections and much less than fillers. Lynn numbed me with ice first. The first few strokes were the most painful- maybe a 3 on a scale of 1-10. Afterward, she applied numbing cream before she continued. Once the numbing cream was active, I felt nothing but pressure.

What is the cost?

What was the down time?

There was no down time for me. My brows were a bit red, but I was able to touch that up with concealer and resume my normal activities.

How is microblading different from permanent makeup?

From what I’ve researched, microblading uses a special pigment, rather than ink, which doesn’t last as long. Microblading is done in the upper surface of the skin. Tattooing uses a permanent ink that pierces the skin deeper. I choose the tattooing because it lasts longer than the microblading process.

Why did I choose to do this?

I basically do it for convenience. It saves me so much time during my morning routine. It used to take me 15 minutes to draw and redraw my eyebrows to match. Then, I constantly worried about my eyebrows rubbing off during the day. I especially appreciated the tattooing process when I broke my right arm last summer. Because I had skipped my boost, I had to spend weeks trying to draw eyebrows with my left hand. Not pretty. Not tempting fate, but if anything happens, my eyebrows will look good this year. Besides, my IT Cosmetics eyebrow pencils costed a fortune. This may actually be cost effective.

If this is something you’ve been considering, I highly recommend you try it. Permanent makeup is an affordable way to achieve convenience and confidence. Leave it to Lynn to make you look like yourself, but better- without the everyday struggle.

Besides permanent makeup, Lynn offers paramedical tattooing, areola reconstruction tattooing, scar therapy, hair simulation, body art, and art as therapy. If you decide to contact her for any of these services, please tell her how much I think of her and her work!

When I have low maintenance makeup, I am happy. When I am happy, everyone in my world is happy.

Happy tattooing, my friends!

Categories: Life, Stella and Dot, The Single Life

New Year’s Eve 2018

It’s been almost a week since New Year’s Eve.

This morning, as I was cleaning up the camera roll on my phone, I came across the pictures I took that night. We had so much fun ringing in the new year! I love the way the new year holds so much promise and inspires us to be our best.

I haven’t always celebrated New Year’s Eve, as I usually prefer sleep over partying. But for the past few years, I’ve discovered that I love a good New Year’s celebration. Although I don’t always go out, I do stay up late to ring the new year in with people I love. I always wear something sparkly-even if the sparkles are accessorizing sweatpants. I make the effort. Sometimes just making the effort creates memorable events.

These are the highlights of my New Year’s Eve 2018….

I started the day by doing my own manicure. I had planned to get my nails done, but decided to save the money for later, as I couldn’t commit to sparkly gold nails for more than a few days. The glitter nail polish came from the Dollar General. How awesome is that?

I also tried out a fantastic face mask that was in my stocking from Santa. Everything gold for New Year’s Eve! One of my goals for this year is to take better care of my skin.

A little known fact about me… I have tattooed eyeliner!

I kind of waited until the last minute to choose an outfit for New Year’s Eve. I’m always bad about choosing outfits in advance. I have to see what I’m feeling on that very day. Check out this adorable Ren top from Stella & Dot. It’s so soft and perfect to dress up or down. And YAY! This is the replacement for the GiGi New York purse that was stolen at a Christmas party. The new one has my new monogram.

I wore my new Mignonne Gavigan earrings that were a gift from Eric. I’ve wanted these for a whole year! The bracelets are both Stella & Dot, as well. I’m still a Stella & Dot stylist and I’m still obsessed! The Jasper beaded bracelet and coordinating necklace are still on sale! Make sure to check out the Stella & Dot sale items. There are so many good markdowns and sale items go quickly!

That afternoon, I made champagne cupcakes. This is my second year making those. It’s definitely becoming a tasty tradition! Maybe because it gives me an excuse to sip sparkling wine while baking? Whatever the reason, they were SO good!

Of course, I took most of the cupcakes to my parents and my sister because my waist line did not need 24 cupcakes! I had a little sparkling wine at my sister’s house. My brother-in-law, being the nut he is, poured mine into a dessert glass to mimic my obsession with the coupe glasses I got for Christmas. I do love him. He’s the brother I never had!

By the time I got home, it was time to get ready to go out. Eric came down from Raleigh to pick me up. We snapped a few pictures before we left. This is Little’s first New Year’s Eve! He needed a gold bow tie, don’t you think? He’s so handsome.

We went to Barrique in downtown Goldsboro for their New Year’s Eve party. Eric’s best friend and his girlfriend joined us. The food (and the company) were fantastic! One of my former students was our waiter. It was the perfect night!

We started with a champagne toast (note the coupe glass!)

You know when I’m having fun because my mouth is always wide open!

It was such a fun night. We danced and we laughed.

Sometimes, you have to make the effort.

You have to make the fun happen. I’d been sick all week with some type of miserable virus and could have easily just gone to bed early. But I’m glad I showed up. So many times in life, you just have to show up. As a former flaky person who used to cancel everything, I’ve worked really hard on “showing up” and it’s been worth it.

I wish all of you much happiness in the new year! May you be inspired to be the best version of yourself. No perfection needed. Just show up and make the most of what 2019 brings!

Categories: Adventures, The Single Life, Vacations, Weekend Recap

Two Years Strong- Part 2

I should have finished this post a month ago. Sometimes, I’m so lazy. I don’t know how finding time to walk upstairs to my office is so difficult. I totally blame it on my recliner downstairs. There must be something that sucks me into the seat. Once I sit down, I’m totally done. So, I’m going to try to be better about that.

Really.

So here we go….

After the previous amazing night (see Two Years Strong-Part 1), we drank much coffee, thanks to the Nespresso machine in our room. And I scarfed down the hotel chocolate from the night before while Eric wasn’t looking. I hate it when that happens.

Yes, sleeping in and much caffeine was needed.

Once we finally felt human, we checked out. It was difficult to leave. I could have easily made the 21C Museum Hotel my new residence. I will go back. That view, though……

And who says that 13 isn’t a lucky number?

After brunching at Rue Cler, we headed to our first destination- Honeygirl Meadery. In looking for adventures on Groupon, I discovered this place. You can read more about mead here.

When I purchased my coupon for Groupon, I figured the meadery was within the general area, but I had no idea that it was only a minute away.

Just a note about Groupon- definitely do it! It’s a great way to expore new places at a discounted price.

When you use Groupon, go through Ebates, where you can earn cash back on your purchases. If you use this referral code, you’ll get an instant $10.00. So far, I’ve earned over $200.00- just by shopping through Ebates. That’s free money!

Yes, I am the bargain queen.

Ever since I’ve started using Groupon, everyone has always cheerfully accepted my Groupons. A tasting for two at the meadery, with the cute stemless wine glass, was only $7.00! I LOVE a deal.

Although I’d tasted mead before, this was much better than what I’d previously had. The taste was much different from wine. One could definitely taste the honey.

We liked.

I imagine this place would be fun during the warmer weather, when the garage doors are open. We spent an hour or so sipping mead and snacking on local cheese and crackers that we purchased at Bulldega Urban Market, the cutest little market in Downtown Durham.

Thankfully, Eric is always prepared with his trusty knife. Although it is not your typical cheese knife, it served it’s purpose. And no one lost a finger. Notice the cute camo bag and aviators. (You know I had to mention it!) I can get those for you. These have been my most favorite Stella & Dot accessories this season.

Our next Groupon adventure was for Mystic Distillery and Farm.

It was only a few miles away from the meadery. As neither of us had ever done a whiskey tasting, we weren’t sure what to expect. When we arrived, a group was already gathering. We were welcomed with a shot of whiskey. What a way to get a party started!

Yes, this place was going to be fun. I could already tell….

Our tour guide was energetic and fun. We learned so much about the whiskey making process. We sampled directly from the barrels.

Yikes! I wasn’t prepared to drink gasoline!

We finished the tasting with a Gin and Tonic. I’d never had one before. I believe it will be my new favorite summer drink, as it was light and refreshing. We purchased both the whiskey and the gin.

I’d definitely recommend a trip to Mystic Farm and Distillery. We had so much fun!

After leaving Mystic, we headed to the Hampton Inn in Downtown Raleigh. Although Eric actually lives in Raleigh, he understands the need for a get away, even if it is in stay-cation form. This Hampton Inn is often our Raleigh home-away-from-home. It’s very consistant. We unpacked and headed out. This is my favorite Stella & Dot bag. It’s perfect for the weekend. It holds everything I need. Where ever I go, it goes. I’ve used it heavily for a year, and it still looks great! Everyone needs a nice bag for traveling.

Downtown Raleigh is a fun place to sample drinks and appetizers. Although we have a few favorite places, we are always open to trying interesting new places. Because we do much walking on these downtown adventures, we’d like to think that we are burning some of the calories we are consuming.

At least, we pretend.

Our first Downtown Raleigh stop was Sullivan’s Steakhouse. You can’t go wrong with Sullivan’s. It’s amazing. I decided that I was only going to drink sparkling things for the remainder of the night. After all, it was our anniversary celebration.

We ordered the Filet Wellington Bites. Yum! They were served on a salt slab.

After we left Sullivan’s, we walked past Vidrio, a Mediterranean restaurant. It caught our eye and we decided to stop. It was a lively place. We sat at the bar. Eric ordered tuna and I ordered the chili spiced nuts. And yes, I had more sparking wine. This time, it was Rose’. Yay for Rose’. I also tasted Eric’s Mediterranean Mule. That was equally amazing. I’d definitely recommend trying it.

As always, we wound up at 42nd Street Oyster Bar. They always have a great band and we never miss an opportunity to dance.

Yes, they had sparkling wine. Who knew??!

What better way to end a perfect weekend than dancing the night away with hushpuppies and more sparking wine?

We needed this. As a couple, we really, really, really needed this adventure.

Life gets busy. Money gets tight. Responsibilities are many. That’s life.

But I’ve realized that it is so important to make time for each other when you are in a relationship. If you want to make a relationship work, you must make the effort. I remind myself of this very thing every single day.

Eric and I are now two years stronger in our relationship. I am two years stronger in my personal growth.

Cheers to two years and may the third year be the best yet!

Categories: Adventures, Singledom, The Single Life, Vacations, Weekend Recap

Two Years Strong- Part One

Has it really been two years?

Through the ups and downs, Eric and I have made it to this milestone. We are two years stronger.

To commemorate this special occasion, Eric made plans for a very special weekend- just for us. Rarely- very, very rarely- have we been able to spend an entire weekend together because our lives constantly take us in different directions. Although that seems to be the norm for two dating adults with established lives, it makes us really appreciate our time together.

I’m finally getting around to sharing some of the highlights from our anniversary weekend. Literally, we ate and drank our way through two cities. We found some amazing places that, hopefully, you might want to try also.

Because there are so many pictures, I’ll break our adventure into parts.

I’ll keep you hanging…

Our adventure began with an overnight stay at the 21c Museum Hotel in Durham. The 21c Museum Hotel is an art museum/boutique hotel. Eric knew that it would appeal to my artsy side. He earned points for his thoughtfulness. If you are a boyfriend, you know it’s all about the points you accumulate.

Seriously.

A happy girlfriend equals a happy dating life.

Upon arrival, we were greeted by a video on the floor of the entry. At that moment, I knew this hotel was going to be the best ever!

I made sure to step around the people. Eric, however, did not mind violating the art.

We checked into this most amazing hotel, only to find that the elevators were not in use. This was not good news, as Eric had booked the 13th floor suite. I actually climbed 13 floors in heels. Really, I didn’t mind. I burned more calories to later be used for wine.

Upon arrival, there was a handwritten note with chocolate, as well as chocolate on our bedroom pillows. The secret to any good hotel is chocolate and hand written notes.

I’m a simple girl. Just give me luxury.

And suddenly, the trek up the 13 floors was forgotten.

Our room was amazing! We had a balcony off the bathroom. This seemed odd. But apparently, you never know when you might be in the bathroom and feel the need to sit outside.

Had it been warmer, we would have drank wine on the balcony. We did endure the blustery wind to take a couple of sips and to take a picture, just to say we did it. Just imagine it during warm weather…

Everything about this hotel was extraordinary- from the rum bathroom soap to the rubber duck in the shower.

Ummm….the bride duck freaked me out a little. Ask the friends I texted!

After browsing the museum , we braved the frigid walk downtown. Our first stop was Mateo– a tapas bar, where we indulged in fried calamari and scallops. Our cooking at home is NOT like this. I took note that Eric and I have a very good eating rhythm. I taste, he eats the bulk… because he is a giant and I save my calories for the alcohol.

I might (or might not) have eaten the sauce with a spoon. I learned that pistachios and scallops are a winning combination!

Afterwards, we made an impromptu stop at Taberna, another tapas restaurant, where we ordered the salmon. Omg! It was cooked to perfection. It was crusty on the outside and flaky on the inside. I would have taken a picture, but I was distracted by the pink sparkling Rose’ I ordered…..

I’m always a fan of anything sparking and anything pink. Sparkling Rose’ is just my thing. It’s a match made in heaven.

On our walk back to the hotel, the beautiful full moon was a welcome distraction from both the cold and our nearly full bellies.

Our eating adventure ended with a bite from the hotel restaurant, The Counting House, where we enjoyed grilled broccolini and seared tuna. For those of you who know me, I had nothing to do with the tuna. Gag. My food has to be cooked to pieces. I was, however, all over the broccolini dish.

We were treated to an anniversary dessert. I’m still not sure exactly what it was, but I do remember that it was tasty. Could it be that I’d had a thousand glasses of wine by that time? Probably, most likely.

Before heading to our room, we explored the downstairs level, which was an old bank vault.

Clearly, Eric has done this before. He looks very natural opening a vault.

Wow! Look at the tiles in the bank vault room. Have I mentioned that this is the coolest hotel ever?

We also explored the upstairs restrooms. I needed to visit the restroom until I saw that they were clear. Apparently, when you are inside, the windows become opaque. Yeah. I’m didn’t trust that. I’m not that adventurous.

Hands down, our favorite artwork at the hotel was the flag. It was made with thousands of tiny G.I.Joe figurines. Awesome!

Thankfully, by the time we headed up to our room, the elevator had been fixed. It was the most amazing night ever!

We truly needed the time together.

If you ever have a chance to visit the 21c Museum Hotel, definitely do so. It will not disappoint. Downtown Durham will not disappoint. We passed so many restaurants of all types. There is definitely something for everyone.

And all of these unvisited places are future adventures waiting to happen!

Stay tuned for our next day’s adventure….