Fall is my favorite time of the year.

Maybe it’s because I no longer have to wear a swimsuit. Or maybe it’s all of the pumpkin spice goodies and apple desserts that come with the cooler, crisp air. Maybe it’s the wonderfully creepy decor, or the memories of building my house nearly eight years ago….good times.

As much as I enjoy all of the festivities, there’s a hole in my heart this fall.

I’m missing my Smokey. This is my first October in seven years without him by my side (or in my face). It’s the first October I haven’t celebrated his birthday/rescue date, and it’s the first October I haven’t dressed him in his (my) favorite witch ensemble. His presence is surely missed ten-fold these past few days. He was the best companion a girl could have. 

Smokey

My life changed on October 5, 2011. My mom and I were driving on Berkeley Boulevard when I saw cars swerving around the tiniest black kitten in the middle of the busy highway. I knew that he was going to be hit if I didn’t save him.  I yelled for my mother to stop. Instantly, I jumped out of the car into the busy road to rescue him. Bloodied and dirty, he began purring as soon as I picked him up. I remembered reading once that black cats were always the last to be adopted. I couldn’t bear to drop him off at the shelter. I was done. I had to take him home. This baby needed a mama.

He Was All Mine. 

I slept with Smokey on my chest on the bathroom floor the first several nights. The only time he wasn’t crying was when he was on my chest. Looking back, I’m sure he had a broken rib. He must have been in horrible pain. From that first night, we bonded and my life was forever changed. I’m convinced he knew my heartbeat and felt a love that he’d never known before. Although I had other cats, I became this boy’s mama. I was completely smitten with this furry little black cat. At only one pound, he was spirited and mighty. For the next seven years, he demanded all of my attention. He broke my expensive things. He chewed my mantle. He violated my trees. He stole the bacon off of my plate when I wasn’t looking. I couldn’t bring myself to stay angry at him for long because he provided hours of constant entertainment. I’d never known unconditional love for anything other than family until Smokey. 

Smokey’s Bar

I rescued Smokey in the midst of building our house.  As soon as we finished the bonus room bar upstairs, Smokey immediately claimed it for himself. If either of the other two cats tried to enter the bar, he’d chase them all of the way down the stairs. Still, even now, my other cats won’t even think of entering the bar. The bar was appropriately named “Smokey’s Bar.” 

Smokey’s Purpose 

From the moment I rescued Smokey, I believed that he was my gift from God. He was placed on that road at the right time for me to find him. He brought such joy to my life. His importance became evident when he was with me through the divorce. Smokey was the only constant, unchanging thing in my life. I was so grateful for our little everyday rituals. I’m sure Smokey must have also mourned the loss of Ashton’s presence in the house, but Smokey comforted me. He picked up the slack and became very protective. He watched me as I left for work, and he was always waiting at the door when I arrived home. I will always believe that Smokey was a gift from God to help ease the pain of my divorce. It was if God knew I’d have to go through that horrible time.  And if Smokey was placed in my life to help me through my divorce, his death helped Ashton and I to finally make peace with each other. Ashton was there for me when Smokey died. He met me to put Smokey to rest. That was the first time I’d seen Ashton in years. He actually showed up for me. And that was big. Smokey’s life had a greater purpose. Isn’t that what we’d all want in the end? For our lives to have a purpose?

The Loss of Smokey

I can’t bring myself to write about Smokey’s death. There are many times that I can’t even bear to remember him, because the tears flow. This past weekend was one of those times. Seven years with Smokey just wasn’t long enough. I was sure we’d have ten more years together. Although he was a cat, he was my soul mate. We communicated without words. There was nothing but unconditional love both ways. My heart still breaks, and the coming holidays will be hard because his death is still so fresh. Maybe I shouldn’t have loved so deeply, because that makes the pain of loss so much more intense. As cliché’ as it sounds,  I’ll always believe that it was better to have loved and lost, than never to have loved at all. 

In honor of Smokey,  I created a simple Halloween cocktail – the Smokey’s Spirit. He would have definitely been by my side as I concocted this drink.  I enjoyed this cocktail in Smokey’s Bar as I looked at his pictures and had a good (ugly) cry. It only seemed an appropriate remembrance for such a remarkable cat.

The Smokey’s Spirit Cocktail

1 ounce whipped vodka

1/2 ounce Grand Marnier

3 ounces lite orange juice

1/4 ounce grenadine

Combine all of the ingredients with ice in a shaker. Shake vigorously. Strain into a martini glass. Enjoy!

Cheers to you, Smokey. You will always be the best cat ever.