Do you ever feel like you just aren’t ok?
As I was searching to find a little desperately needed inspiration this morning, I ran across an article on the importance of giving yourself grace. Sometimes things are just placed in front of you at the very moment you need them. I’ll give God the credit.
I’ve been struggling.
As 50 approaches, I’m not so good with life right now. In fact, I feel a little angry about everything. I’m not ready to turn 50.
For a couple of years now, I’ve said over and over that I want to be better at 50 than I was at 40. It’s become my motto. Now that 50 will be here in a few short months. I feel panicked and overwhelmed. I’ve pushed myself to pursue goals that are probably very unachievable. My house isn’t clean. My yard looks worse than ever. I’m falling so behind on everything- including my goals. My perfectionistic tendencies are in overdrive. And that’s not good. I am definitely not better than I was at 40. And I’m not sure why I even thought it possible.
Don’t get me wrong- I have many things for which I am truly grateful.
I’m just not happy with myself.
I’m still not enough.
I don’t know how to stop putting such high expectations upon myself. I can’t give myself permission to let go. I want to feel happy and feel content and I go through phases where I’m almost there-until self-sabotage takes over. In my frustration at myself, I lash out at the ones I love the most. And that’s not ok.
This has been a constant theme in my life that has caused one disastrous consequence after another. By now, you’d think I’d figured out how to address this issue- but that is yet another fail. I sometimes think I’d love to run away- but there is no running from the thoughts and feelings of inadequacy that constantly invade my mind.
After reading the article on grace, I’d like to work on self-care this week instead of doing things that are self-destructive- although that feels like a luxury that will put me even further behind.
I can start by being more conscious of my perfectionistic tendencies and by making a big effort to practice the tips I found this morning.
Ways to Give Yourself the Gift of Grace
Don’t focus on being perfect. Be authentic. NO ONE IS PERFECT.
Mess up, but learn from mistakes.
Give yourself permission to not do everything.
Never feel selfish for taking “you” time.
Do one thing a day you’re proud of.
As I approach 50, I am thankful that I do have the ability to learn and want to improve myself. I’m thankful for the reminder that I don’t have to reach ridiculous goals. Rather than pushing myself to be unreasonably better at 50, maybe my goal should be to accept my age for the knowledge and experiences it has brought.
