Have you ever been so tired of feeling that life is just one big struggle? That there has to be more?
That’s been me for the last few years. I feel like I make things look fairly easy and I try to have a decent attitude. But anxiety and frustration feel like they are all-consuming at times.
I really want to get back to the happy place I was before 2016…the days when it was easy to find joy in the simple things and when I made time for my hobbies, such as blogging.
I want sparkle.
I want to get back on track.
So, I starting looking that the things in life that I could make better…
Finances?
My finances are decent. I live with a budget that I made for myself and it works for me. I’ve been able to mange several emergencies without depleting my emergency fund. I’ve even been able to afford a small vacation. Although finances are stressful, there’s not much more I can do to make that better.
Relationships?
Yes, those could all be better. I still spend a lot of time being angry about life circumstances, so I do isolate myself more than I should. I don’t want to subject anyone to my grumpy self.
Attitude?
Hmm….that’s a constant work in progress. I’m trying.
Health?
I’ve already made some changes there. I think I’ve resolved some issues by simply getting rid of my IUD. Being in constant pain didn’t help my attitude.
Eating Habits?
Absolutely! That’s not been so great. I’ve been stuck in a cycle for the last two years of restricting and counting calories, bingeing, and then hating myself for not being able to get a grip on this. Although I’ve recovered from some eating issues, I’ve realized that I’ve replaced them with other issues. I’ve only put a band-aid on my eating disorder. I’ve become so good at counting calories and measuring out food that I can instantly name the amount of calories in any food and most meals. I check My Fitness Pal more than I check my Instagram! That’s pretty much a miserable and time-consuming existence. Although I’ve allowed myself to be at a normal weight, I’ve refused to give up control of food. I have a very strong feeling that if I work on my eating habits, it’s going to drastically improve my entire outlook on life – from finances (because bingeing ain’t cheap!) to my overall mental and physical health.
So let’s talk about this….
Most recently, my food anxiety has really been taking away from the joy of my vacation anticipation. I’ve been finding myself constantly googling the food choices I’ll have to make and pre-calculating the calories I’ll allow myself to consume. I mean, really??? And what fun is a vacation if you can’t enjoy all of the delicious foods? I want to be mentally ok with more than shrimp cocktail and salad.
I really just want this problem to be gone.
Like right now.
I’m done.
I’m over it.
Last week, I read the greatest book that made me think I can finally fix my food issues. It planted a seed. It made me question how I had been doing things. Because, clearly, that hasn’t been working for me.
I was so into this book, that I read it all in two days.
I mean, I feel really good about this….
So what if we can be naturally thin (as in thin for our own unique bodies?) Wouldn’t that be such a great life? To eat whatever we’d like with freedom and without guilt? Without limiting “bad” foods? For some, that’s not an issue. But for a person who struggles with constant dieting, that’s absolutely the most bizarre thought ever. I’m not sure that I can even wrap my head around that idea. But I am intrigued. Really, all of the information in the book parallels with the things I learned in nutrition school. Unfortunately, I wasn’t ready to apply the information at the time I learned it. Sometimes, it’s hard to make a change. When we learn to live with a problem, we don’t see it as a problem because it’s our “normal”.
So, this book, The Secret of Your Naturally Skinny Friends – A Simple Path to Your Best Body and Mind, by Monica Swanson, explains a method called Hunger-Based Eating. When we learned about this in school, we called it Intuitive Eating. Same thing.
So what is this crazy eating method?
To put it simply, we are supposed to be guided by our hunger. We eat like we did when we were kids. Remember when we did that? As kids, most of us ate when we were hungry. We stopped when we were satisfied (not full!) If we weren’t hungry, we’d nibble a little bit and then go right back to whatever activity we were enjoying before we had to eat. Life didn’t revolve around food. Life didn’t revolve around counting calories. We didn’t eat because we were bored and we didn’t eat to solve problems. And getting back to that eating method is really not as hard as you’d think. But it does take conscious practice.
For the past few days, I’ve eaten this way.
I’ve eaten real butter on my corn, not calorie-free fake butter. I’ve eaten crackers with my salad. I’ve cooked with olive oil instead of calorie-free spray. I’ve put cheese on my omelets. I eaten pizza…for lunch!
And, most importantly, I didn’t starve myself or binge.
I just ate until I was satisfied. That’s it.
And you know what?
I haven’t gained a ton of weight! My weight is still the same, even though I ate the foods I feared. Not that I weighed….because I don’t. Not ever. That’s too much pressure.
I now feel better mentally and physically than I have in years!
I feel like the biggest weight has been lifted. Dieting has been like carrying a big bag of bricks everywhere I go. It was a burden! Because of this, I’m going to create a series of blog posts that document my journey into Hunger-Based Eating. I plan to write about the ups and downs as I go and share my thoughts and food diaries, as well as any helpful tips I discover. I’ll do it as honestly as possible. Because I’m going to make this happen. Even through the mess ups. Because I’ve made peace with the idea that this won’t be a perfect process.
I’m not going to let food control me anymore.
So, if you’ve ever struggled like I have, jump in here with me! Let’s be free from dieting and binge eating.
Let’s do this because we deserve better for ourselves.
“One cannot think well, love well, sleep well, if one has not dined well.”– Virginia Woolf
